I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Text me some of your sweat
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
