guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Randomize
