Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize