what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
