oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
