my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
