YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
