Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
