I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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