I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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