I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
