The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize