She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
