I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize