we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
