theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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