worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
