She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
