Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
