I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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