Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
