Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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