:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
