Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
