i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
