Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
