i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
