you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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