i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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