You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
