so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
