fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
