I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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