boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
