the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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