I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
