If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
