ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
