At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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