And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She bit a glass in half.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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