I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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