That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize