i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
