We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
