Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
