I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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