Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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