Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
