It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
