better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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