I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
