I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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