We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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