In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
