Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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