I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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