I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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