im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
