Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
