I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize