Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
