I've blown a few things in my day
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
what day is it and did you see me today?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize