rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just found a bag of teeth...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I did not marry a roomba.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
