Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I need moral support for this bender
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
