We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
