hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
