Whoa Z and x make the same sound
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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